It's gonna be alright...

Last night, God was so gracious to me.  I had a horrible day yesterday.  I was cranky and so frustrated with life. I needed perspective and encouragement.  And even as I struggled with God, he was loving to me.

When I say that I homeschool, people say many things.  One is that they could never do that.  Another is how lucky I am to stay home.  Sometimes people aren't sure what to say.  Homeschooling is a wonderful thing, but it's like being a full time stay at home mom (which is a full time job) and then being a full time school teacher on top of it.  So, it's a bit like doing two jobs many days.  I do love that I get time with my kids and that I get to see them learn.  But, there are many struggles amidst the joys.

This year I was so overwhelmed that I pulled out of the homeschool co-op group I was in last year.  But, then yesterday, I realized that I needed them.  I need my friends.  As much as my kids need social interaction, I needed the other moms--even if I'm only able to keep track of people and dialogue online.  I need to know that I'm not alone.  I need to hear about the struggles of other moms to help me put my own struggles in perspective.

As I was driving last night to get together with my friends, I heard these songs..
For several years, Sara Groves music has been a blessing to me.  Her songs express such an honesty.

This first song was me yesterday--fighting my private wars in my own heart.  The video isn't of Sara Groves singing, but the gal who sings does well, I think.



When I am in the midst of struggles, I find myself feeling these words from
the lyrics from The Long Defeat by Sara Groves...

I pray for an idea 
and a way I cannot see 
It's too heavy to carry 
and impossible to leave 

We walk a while we sit and rest 
we lay it on the altar 
I won't pretend to know what's next 
but what I have I've offered 

I pray for a vision 
and a way I cannot see 
It's too heavy to carry 
and impossible to leave 

I met with my friends and it was just good to be with them.  To talk and know I'm not alone.  It gave me perspective on my struggles without me saying a word about all of them.  And then on the way home, I heard this song...





And then finally, I was ready to remember that I want to be one of the saints marching home.  





dear friends, if you are struggling today please know that my heart and prayers are with you.  We are walking through these struggles together.  We are not alone.  I was reminded of that last night and I am so thankful that God blessed me with fellowship and friends in the heart of my weakness and cries.  I didn't deserve it.  At all.