When I was growing up, I had one pair of pants in sixth grade. I lived in an area that didn't get very cold, so I didn't need more than one pair. But, the reason I only had one pair that year was equal parts that I didn't need more than one pair and that my mom couldn't afford to buy me more than one pair. When some kids in my art class made fun of me one week for wearing that pair of pants twice in one week, I remember feeling really bad. But, I don't remember ever blaming my mom for it.
I was also at that awkward age where I didn't want to garage sale for clothes--because if I bought clothes in our neighborhood than the kids we bought them from would know. They would know that I was wearing their castoffs. And they would look down on me even more. I was embarrassed. So, instead of wearing clothes from garage sales, I had less. Either way I was going to get comments made to me and looks from the kids at school, it was just a question of which reason was going to prompt those comments and looks... All through middle school the comments about the clothes I wore and their brands invaded my world. It didn't stop in high school until I found a group of friends that didn't care. I avoided the girls who cared about those things. But, those experiences have had a lasting impact on me and I know it.
One of the ways I've seen the lingering effects is in the concern I've had for the clothing my own children wear and a desire to provide for them. When my girls were very young, I had an older woman say to me one time insensitively that all of that was for my good--that God had purposefully not given me more clothes. The comment came in the context of a conversation in which I had expressed concern for my own kids having enough clothes. While it is true that God did use that experience in my life, the woman's tone did not have any compassion in it--acknowledgement that what I went through hurt.
My girls are entering their teenage years and it is interesting to begin walking through this time with them. We moved six months ago from a place where I had lots of area to store clothes for sizes ahead and where I had friends who were kind enough to pass their hand me downs on to me. I was in a church community where kids didn't look down on other kids for wearing the clothes they'd grown out of. They had worn hand me downs themselves.
On Sunday at church, I had the chance to talk with my girls and a few other teenage girls from church. My girls don't mind clothes from garage sales. And I'm very grateful. We live in a larger area than where I grew up and my kids don't go to public school so they don't go to school with kids that I would buy clothes from around here when I garage sale. And I have found that homeschool kids tend to aware that their parents are stretching their incomes because many of them are only one income families. I haven't noticed the same attitudes about clothes among homeschoolers that I experienced going to public school growing up.
I was talking with a friend last night while our kids played a soccer game about this. She agreed with me about how kids are and the comments they make. But, what can we do about it? Given that this is how the world is, how can we help our kids learn to be frugal, learn not to look down on others because of what they wear, learn to feel comfortable in their own skin--whether they are wearing hand me downs, clothes from a garage sale, or new clothes?
I don't think there's a one size fits all set of answers to these questions. But, we can tell our kids stories. That's what seems to connect with my girls and my son. Stories give context without being preachy. I tell stories about what I've learned. Stories about what I'm still learning about myself, friendship, clothes, money, and people. I point out to them the cost of new clothes and rejoice when we find treasures at yard sales or thrift stores or in the clearance section of stores--for things we need.
A few weeks ago, after I had a chance to go to some garage sales in our neighborhood, I talked to my daughter about the four sweaters and shirts I had gotten for her. I told her what each one would cost given the item and brand in a store. She was shocked. The four items I had paid $3.00 for in all would have cost $150 new. They were in good shape and had no stains. We had a good discussion about it.
Then yesterday, she looked through the clothes at a rummage sale we went to and found a navy and white Old Navy dress she liked for a dollar. When we brought it home, the arm holes were large and the V was too deep. I looked at it with her and made a few stitches on each side to bring in the arms. Then, I added a snap to the V and it was fixed! She wore it to church today and loved it!
What are your thoughts about kids and clothes? Garage Saling and clothes? Helping them make good financial choices when it comes to shopping?
I am very much in agreement that we need to talk to our kids about how much things cost. I love hand me downs, yard sales and resale shops. My girls are mostly too big to find anything at those places. Sometimes we find some thing they like. The boy is easier. One of the things we started doing to help the girls was to make them responsible for buying their own clothes. We give them a specific amount of money twice a year. The only stipulation is that clothing must be school appropriate. (We buy swim suits, under garments and occassion dresses for them. And shoes.) They figured out quickly how to budget and stretch their money. And they shop everywhere.
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