I just realized that my past two posts were about difficult purchases. But, I think that in itself is worth writing about.
I'm reading a book this week that has been reminding of something--it is that that we can hold onto things, whether out of a desire for control, out of impatience, out of pride, or out of insecurity. There are many other reasons as well, but these are a few of them. Holding on to these things is not God's desire for us. (Normally, I am very quick to reference specific books, but in this case, I have been a bit disconcerted by it and am not sure I'm going to recommend it.)
If we love the Lord and believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins, then our hearts have been changed. And if our hearts have changed then we are necessarily not the same people that we were ten years ago. Because the Lord is continually working to change us. He uses other people as iron sharpens iron to bring our weaknesses before us, to help us trust Him, and that we might humble ourselves and seek Him.
My children saw first hand my reaction to the ordering of our Dell computer. I was upset. I was upset on the phone. I was upset about spending so much time waiting on the phone to talk to someone before I even got to talk to them. My children gave me space and tried not to interrupt me while I was dealing with the mess. Toward the end, my husband told me that he thought it was time to let it go. I was mad, but I was upset with Dell. I didn't insult any of the people I spoke with. I only pursued a resolution to the matter as long as I had his support. Sometimes we have to have others help us know how long to fight and when to let go or at least that is the case for me. My husband said it was time. So, I let it go.
This week I got several more disconcerting emails from Dell. I picked up the phone and called. I was supposed to get a $50 refund--which never came. I patiently explained my situation to three different people and was transferred three times until I was ultimately put on hold for a half hour and I hung up. When I hung up, I wasn't mad. I was letting go. It was time to be done.
Did it really matter? Was it worth my time to sit on the phone? Was I ever really going to talk to someone who could resolve the problem? I concluded that I wouldn't. But, most importantly, had God provided for the computer?
It wasn't exactly what I would have chosen, but it is what the Lord has given us--and blessed us with. It will serve its purpose well. I trust and pray that the Lord will help me learn what He wants me to from all of this and that He will use this incident in my life.
When I read God's Word, I am encouraged that He isn't going to leave me alone just the way I am. He is going to work in my life to increase my patience, humility, and perseverance.
The phone calls and emails are done. My gmail is going to mark them as spam. And now I need to let it go and trust it to God. He provided.